On this deceptively quiet Sunday afternoon in May, a small band of 3 committed and 1 pseudo revolutionaries departed the hot pleasure dome by the sea and ventured into the heart of the big mango to join thousands of compatriots. Disguised as two farang tourists with their young, innocent Thai friends from the plaza of sin, these brave men hired a taxi to carry them to the secluded meeting ground behind a particularly beautiful wat in Bangkok. The small band was lead by the nefarious Small Family Guy (SFG) from Sattahip and the world renowned Crazy Man (CM) from the foreign land of Elizabeth. A young handsome neophyte, to be henceforth known as Khun ItchyBum and his protector, the as yet uncommitted Duck, rounded out the team. This day, which started as a benign afterthought, was to prove a test to the endurance and fortitude of these men.
Arriving at the chosen wat, The Four join the constant flow of believers through the grounds of the beautiful temple and down a dusty road to the encampment. They stopped at the first tent to doff their disguises and purchase the blood shirts and clappers that would help them assimilate into the growing throng of similarly clad brethren although it was impossible for the two farangs truly hide. Nevertheless they were heartily welcomed on all sides; hailed by the men and offered wedlock by several the women. The Four easily passed through the check point and bag search. It was at this point the farangs paused to enjoy the sight of so many handsome men in uniform only to be warned by their young compatriots that these may not be friendlies and aggressive ogling should be discouraged.
A lush green plot not too close the stage was selected by Duck much to the disappointment of SFG who desired to sit as near the booming black boxes and his talking heroes as possible. The group settled down on plastic sheets to bask in the sun, await the opening speeches, enjoy the music, acknowledge the many well-wishers and be surrounded by and ever swelling red multitude. They were so enchanted that they failed to recognize the threat of gathering clouds, distant flashes of light and the many vendors hawking umbrellas.
Almost as if orchestrated by opposing powers, as soon as the first orator began to rally the crowd, the sky began to relieve itself. ItchyBum tried to accuse the leaders of another colour of using royal technology in seeding the atmosphere. Umbrellas were purchased and The Four hunkered down to wait out the 15 minute shower as proclaimed by the ever-optimistic SFG. Fifteen minutes later the heavy rain was driven sideways by a howling gale. Lightening flashed all around and crashes of thunder jolted their very souls. They huddled together while the umbrellas and plastic proved useless against such power. All around the plot of green the waters began to rise but the multitude continued to arrive. The field soon became a slough of mud 10cms deep. And still the dedicated trudged in to take up positions.
After 30 minutes the storm slackened to a gentle rain and The Four began to assess the situation. The stage was in taters. A large light standard had been blown over. No piece of clothing was dry and the stalwart CM began to declare his immense displeasure at soddened blue jeans and mud-caked shoes. He immediately began to demand where in this open field he could buy a pair of pants and some flip-flops but his whining was lost in the crowds tumultuous cheers as some brave dignitaries forsake their vehicles and strolled, unprotected, through the adoring masses to the stage. Both SFG and ItchyBum were inspired and nothing was going to move them from the spot. Duk took CM�s hand and began to lead him back through the throng on a desperate search for fresh clothes.
Back on the street there were no clothing shops to be seen but a small cafe was found that sold beer thus CM was calmed for the moment. While CM revived his courage, Duck continued the search down the soi which was packed with arriving vehicles. He managed to find a small shop where he was able to purchase flip-flops and a large pair of floral shorts. CM immediately discarded his ruined shoes but declined the gawdy shorts. Duck and CM bought some noodles and beer, waded back through the mud and rejoined the two young zealots. They sat on wet plastic under umbrellas eating their cold noodles, drinking beer listening to soaring speeches that neither farang understood. The crowd continued to grow.
All of a sudden SFG stood up and, with a manic look in his eye, declared we were to move closer to the stage. Duck tried to protest but to no avail thus the small patch of green above the sea of mud was abandoned and The Four struck out into the unknown. This decision by SFG proved the last straw for Duck. After a few minutes of trudging along behind he came to a resolute stop with mud over-topping his shoes and he refused, child-like, to proceed any further. When the others came back to him, he had decided it was time for him to return to paradise by the sea and a warm shower. The others look shocked at this display of weakness as there was still 4 more hours of speeches to go. Duck invited the other to stay but he was determined to leave. After some discussion of possibilities the four musketeers decided it was one for all and all for one and they began the slow trek back against the still arriving masses to try and find a taxi in the jammed soi.
Amazingly in all these miserable conditions, the Thai people were up-beat and friendly. After seeing TV coverage of the reds, Duck had formed opinions that were certainly dispelled by the warmth of the people he met this day.
In the taxi The Four all laughed over the day�s experiences and were happy to have taken part. Halfway home ItchyBum declared his damp jeans were causing posterior discomfort that required aggressive scratching. The 2 farangs were happy to oblige and thus ItchyBum received his nickname.
Another unforgettable time in the Land of Smiles.
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