Apartment Decorating Faux Pas

When I first moved into my new apartment a year ago, a lovely boy named Jay moved in also. He was a great kid and was excited as I was to participate in decorating the one room studio. Everytime either of us went out, we usually came home with something for the place. One time he returned with 2 beautiful candles for the headboard shelf. This went on for a couple of weeks.

I know almost every Thai home has a picture of the king promenantly displayed. I down loaded several picture of the king relating to his people. I bought a frame to mount a collage of the pictures. Jay walked in as I was about to crop some of the pictures to better fit their place in the frame. He was horrified. "Can not cut pictures of king". I tried to explain that I wasn't cutting the king, only extranious things. One of those extranious things, Jay pointed out, happened to be the queen. I waited until he wasn't around to crop the pictures and, later, he was very happy with the result but not where I put the frame, high up beside the front door. "What's wrong", I asked. "King looking into toilet" The frame was facing the doorway to the washroom and that was not good. We moved the picture.

A few nights later Jay seemed distant - not his usual free expression self. No sex that night. Nor the next. The following night I was a little insistant. He cuddled and as I lowered his briefs he pulled the sheet over us. He did the same the next night as if he was shy or embarrassed of his nakedness. Finally I asked him what's wrong. He pointed to the little golden Buddha I had bought and placed on the high shelf opposite the bed. "Buddha watching!" I got up and moved the Buddha to a place where he couldn't see the bed and all was right with the world.

Getting to know Thai beliefs and customs is a wonderful journey.

Trip to Khlong Yai - The good and bad

Trip to Khlong Yai � The Good and the Bad
Part 1.

Many times in Thailand I have found myself wondering, �How did I get myself into this?� Last fall, Bop, one of my English students mentioned that his family was going home for a few days and would I, and my wallet, like to come along. I am eager to experience �real� Thai life and wanted to go but as it was near the end of my 3 month stay, I was short of cash. I asked him to help me work out a budget for the trip so I could decide if I had enough funds. This process befuddled him as expected but we decided, with mama�s approval, that 8000 Baht would be sufficient. Plans were made, a date set and soon we were trundling down the highway towards Trat and beyond to Khlong Yai. Never in my 20 years of coming to Thailand have I learned more in such a short time � 5 days.

I met the family 2 years ago when I befriended At at Jomtien beach. He was a really nice young man who worked in a gogo bar but wanted to move on to something else. He was keen on learning English so I volunteered to teach him. He became proficient enough that he got a job in a restaurant. Through him I met the rest of the family.





I would teach at the family�s room in Pattaya. His younger brothers decided that they wanted to study as well. Bop and Pond worked in the same bar as At. A few weeks before the trip, I was invited to Bop�s 18th birthday party. Great fun.





The mother and father were quite friendly to me and we got on well. It was strange at first because they were very supportive of their 3 sons working in a gogo. Over time I realized they were a very happy and close family so who was I, a sex tourist, to judge.




Pond and O were the 2 younger brothers. O stayed with family in Khlong Yai most of the time attending school. I wondered if his fate was to be dancing on a stage in Sunee sometime in the future.






At the last minute, At said he couldn�t get the time off work but he said that Bop would look after me in every way. At�s place was taken by Jen, a gatoey, who was introduced as the boy�s �sister� and she did stay in the family compound of 5 houses in Khlong Yai. With father and me in front, mother and Pond behind and Bop and Jen riding in the box, we headed off to their home which I had estimated via Google Maps should take 3 hours. Ah, but not so. Why? In short form:
1. the truck needed water every 20 minutes
2. father needed to pee every 20 minutes but never sincronized with truck watering.
3. we needed to stop to eat, twice
4. mother and my wallet needed to buy fruit, especially durian and there were many, many fruit markets and road side stalls between Rayong and Trat and mother had to stop at almost all. She had a weighted stick with her with which to tap every durian at every market along the way. Of course the fruit stops rarely coinsided with the other stops.
Half way there a rain shower struck and, even though the truck had a canvass canope much of the luggage had to be moved inside. They needed the room for all the fruit anyway. Bop and Pond squabbled over who should ride inside and, in the end, they both squeezed in with mother and the luggage. Pond perched like a vulcher on the console between Father and me. He got sleepy and slowly slumped over on to me and onto my lap.

Six and a half hours later we arrive in Khlong Yai. This is a fishing town on the narrow slice of land between Cambodia and the sea in the extreme south east. Koh Chang can be seen across the crystal clean water. The coast line is beautiful, dotted with many secluded beach coves and backed by rolling hills.


At my urging it had been decided that I would stay at an air-conditioned bungalow or hotel in town. As we drew near the town, I ask about the bungalow and the mother got on the phone. To make a long story short, they told me that neither the bungalow nor the hotel would allow a farang to stay there with a Thai companion. I hadn�t planned on a companion but didn�t argue the point. Up to them.

Arriving at the family�s compound, I was warmly received by members of the extended family. A covered central area was surrounded by five houses. Bop�s 2 bedroom house was modern, large and nicely furnished. The family share this house with the mother�s brother, his wife and young daughter. I estimate there were 16 living in the compound.





The family was headed by grandmother. She worked hard and barked out orders which the young�uns seemed to ignore. Living in grandmother�s house was a mentally handicapped girl who was always peering out to see what was happening. She seemed to be ignored and encouraged to stay hidden.





The family had a business of cleaning, sorting and drilling holes in seashells. Except for Bop and Pond, all members worked from sunrise to sunset; even the children when they came home from school. In the evening everyone helped out preparing the meal. Every night we were there and huge feast was prepared with the main dish some kind of seafood. It was wonderful.








Both Pond and Bop did not participate in any of the business work or household chores yet they were treated as �hi-sos�. Their wishes were everyone�s commands. I could only speculate why this was so. One time I tried to embarrass Bop into helping a girl cleaning the dishes. He just laughed so I got up and, making a joke of it, went and squatted down to help the girl finish the dishes. This provoked gales of laughter from the family.


After the meal a sound system appeared and Issan music was played. Bop and family had gone to an Issan concert with me therefore they knew I like to dance. Well when I got up and danced, peels of laughter echoed through the neighbourhood and, then and there, I was accepted into the group. I was even able to entice the retarded girl to come out and dance with me.


When bedtime neared, we were sitting in the living room. I asked Bop where I would sleep. He simply pointed to the ceramic tiles on the floor beside my chair. I gave a surprised look that must have been noticed by everyone and they all started jabbering in Thai and pointing to the farang. Finally the uncle got up and asked if I like �air�? �Very much�, I replied. He said, �We have�, and showed me to his bedroom which had air and a nice big bed and its own TV. I was over the top in my thank yous. He said, �No problem� and grabbed a couple of blankets and pillows and placed them on the floor beside the bed indicating that was for me. Well at least it was cool.


Uncle and Wife

I went and showered and stuff and when I returned to the room, there was uncle, his wife and their little girl in the bed watching soaps. I smiled shyly, stripped to my boxers and lay down on the floor. I was beginning to doze off, when the door opened and in came Bop in his tight whities. He proceeded to climb under my covers and snuggle up close to me, giggling quietly. In the morning I noticed something hanging in the corner I hadn�t seen before. It was a police uniform. The uncle was a part-time policeman. Only in Thailand�.sleep with the family in their bedroom�.sleep with their, just turned, 18 year old nephew and the uncle was a cop. I really didn�t know what to think but I decided to simply go with the flow. Needless to say, John Thomas did not stand at attention that night or the next 4.

Trip to Khlong Yai - Part 2

Part 2

The next morning I woke up when the uncle�s family got up. Once they left the room I cuddled with Bop to try and wake him to no avail but I lay there for another hour just holding him. I had slept well but now my back and side and neck was sore. I rose, showered and dressed and went out into the compound to find the family hard a work. Mother saw me and come over with a bowl with some creamy rice in the bottom, topped with something soft, smooth and yellow. I shouldn�t have smelled it. DURIAN!!. Mother stood there watch me expectantly. Was she doing this to the farang purposely? On the spoon I took a little durian and a lot of rice. Surprise! It didn�t taste half bad and mother�s face broke into a big grin. I finished the bowl then asked if there was any hot water available as I showed them the package of pre-mixed coffee I had brought. Grandmother waved me over to her house where she had an electric hot water thermos. She looked at the package and poured 2 cups of hot water. I produced another package and the two of us sat in the morning sun enjoying our coffee while the others worked around us. We met each morning for our private coffee break.

When Bop and Pond finally daned to join us, they explained they were going to go on one of the motorcycles and get something to eat. Returning an hour later, Bop came to me and asked if it was alright if he could go and visit some of his friends. �No problem.� I said, and off he went. At least he asked and it was only natural he would want to see his friends. I made myself busy asking all sorts of questions about the work with the shells and understood about 1/10th of the answers. I had a couple of novels to read also.

By now it was after noon and I was bored and hungry with no sign of food coming. I decided to go for a stroll through the town. It was Saturday and young O was off from school and playing in the street. �Bai nai?, he called. �To look around a get something to eat� �Bai duey?�, he asked. �Sure, you can be my guide� He took the task seriously and showed me his school, 2 wats, the bank, snooker hall and finally the market. I noticed one of the straps on his flip-flops kept coming detached. I pointed to some new ones and he nodded enthusiastically. In the end he acquired, � length camouflage pants, a t-shirt, 3 pairs of underwear, a hat and a small, 70baht battery-powered game. As we neared his house, I gave him 100 baht telling him it was payment for being a good guide. He entered the compound in triumph but the family was concerned over my whereabouts.






Out of the blue it was announced that we the family were going to Cambodia to shop and buy food for dinner. �I don�t have a visa!� �No problem�, I was assured and into the truck we got. For 30 minutes we drove through lush, rolling hills along the coast passing picturesque, deserted beaches. There was a lot of road construction to make the two lanes into four.

We arrive at the small fishing village of Hat Lek that boasts a large market straddling the highway. As far as I can recon, it�s a special economic zone situated between the Thai and Cambodian custom houses. There were good bargains so my wallet was very busy. Among the food and other household supplies, the boys bought fishing rods. I discovered the reason for the road widening. Just on the other side of the boarder, a new casino had just opened for business. Immediately I remembered those secluded beach coves we passes and I thought of the possibilities if only I had enough money.


From Hat Lek pier looking into Cambodia and the casino.



Back at the house I sat down with Bop and indicated to him that my money was disappearing faster than our budget expected. I took out what remained of the 8000 baht, added another 1000 and told him to give it to mama so she could pay for the rest of the trip. �No no!�, he yelled. He said mama was a cheat and it would be better to give it to papa. He did and that was the last of my money worries.

That night we feasted on the crabs purchased in Hat Lek. Bop went out with his friends and I slept alone on the floor. I was a little more comfortable as I bought one of those mattresses in a bag.

The next morning I noticed no one was working. There was excitement in the air in the compound. A bleary-eyed Bop explained we were all going to the beach. I had about two minutes to prepare before the trucks pulled out. I always seemed to what was happening.
The back of one truck was filled with Bop and Pond�s friends � many of which I recognized from Bop�s gogo bar.




It was 20 minute drive back towards Trat to get to Muk Kaew Beach. This beach was spectacular. Soft white sand stretched as far as the eye could see and the ocean looked clear and clean. We commandeered 2 covered platforms � one for the adults and one for the young�uns. I was conflicted as to where to sit so I headed for a swim. Heavenly!











When I got back each platform had their own bottles of whiskey, mixers, ice and small snacks. Lively chatter, music, singing filled the scene as sanook broke out all over. Then the food began to arrive. So much food from the beach concession. It was a great time!





One strange event occurred later in the afternoon. I noticed 15 year old Pond and 10 year old O sitting cross legged on the platform with glasses and whiskey bottle between them. Everyone was laughing and enjoying the situation�even the uncle policeman. The 2 boys were engaged in a rock,paper,sissors game where the consequence of losing a throw was to guzzle the glass of whiskey/coke. In a short amount of time both boys were falling down drunk. Again I was unsure how to respond so I just smiled and went for my 7th swim.






The following day was a slow rising day for almost everyone. In the morning O and me watched a dvd movie on my computer then read my novel until Bop got up. I was hoping he could show me around the town on the motorbike, however he announced he wanted to go and play snooker with his friends. ��Bai duey�, I asked wanting to go with him. �Oh no! Not good!�, he exclaimed and others nearby nodded their agreement. Again, long story short, they did not want a farang wandering the town with young people. My mouth dropped open. I was aghast and embarrassed. But then again, we weren�t in Pattaya anymore Toto. Thinking back, I remembered some boys yelling remarks a O when he guided me around � remarks that I could see upset him but I didn�t put 2 and 2 together then. That was when I decided I wouldn�t be returning to Khlong Yai for a long time. The father stepped in and solved the matter by saying he would go as well so I could go two. Snooker wasn�t much fun that day.

That night the weather turned and it was decided we would head home the next day. I was ready for my own bed. In the morning we had a quick eat then packed up the truck. Four of Bop�s friends from the bar arrived and I realized they were going to hitch a ride back to Pattaya so again we�d be cramped in the truck. Luggage in, people in, tip to grandmother, thankyous to all and papa began turning the truck around to leave. I�m hoping for a quicker ride home. Not to be.

The aunt rushed up to the truck and spoke to mama. A yelling match broke out that lasted 15 minutes in the hot sun. In the end, everyone got out of the truck and the luggage removed then 8 potato sacks filled with processed shells were brought to be delivered in Ban Phe�only 60 kilometres off course. Before we were cramped, now it seemed impossible but not quite. In Ban Phe it took 30 minutes to find the store that sold shell curtains.

Half way back near Chantabury we turned off the highway. �Now what�, I mumbled into sleeping, Pond�s hair. �Waterfall�, Bop happily announced, �You did say you wanted to see a waterfall.� That was 7 days ago, now I just wanted to see my bed. Nevertheless we arrived at Phliu Waterfall National Park and I must say it was worth the stop no matter the situation. You could spend a whole day here wandering the trails, marvelling at the many waterfalls and swimming in the many pools. But the highlight was the vegetable-eating protected fish that filled every pool. Throw in a long bean and the fish swarmed like a school of piranha. But better than that, you could swim with the fish and have them jostle around and over you as you fed them. Amazing!!








On this trip there were many moments that perplexed, annoyed and upset me. There were many moments fill with happiness and sanook. Good or bad it was all an interesting educational experience I won�t forget but I wouldn�t want to repeat. But I probably will.

What's He Doing?

Hearing a commotion out on my balcony, I discovered my current bedfellow of 3 weeks bending over the wall.





Ignoring my questions, he pushed past me into the apartment and scrounged around for bits of string which he tied together then back out to the balcony. Suspecting something interesting, I grabbed my camera and followed.





He proceeded to bend a fork into a hook and tied it to the end of the string. This was lowered over the side. Of course!! Fishing!! Except we were 1.5 kilometres away from any source of water that would support fish.





Carefully he reeled in the string. From the depths below my 2nd floor apartment, he pulled up his Bt59 songkran shirt I had bought for him the day before. Apparently it had blown off the drying rack. His face displayed a huge smile of success while I admired such ingenuity.

Reincarnation

In Buddhist dharma about reincarnation, I am unsure if you can choose the form in which you will return after death. Nevertheless, after last night, I believe I have discovered something I would certainly enjoy being.

It was my 2nd night back in Pattaya and for the 2nd night the same boy was sharing my bed. I met him on my last trip but I have to say he’s become a lot more "experienced" in the past 3 months. Even if he’s simply acting, he has learned how to move his body in wonderfully erotic ways, how to moan and cry out seductively and how to gently embrace and come down after a mutual happy ending. Usually I find such a treasure just before I’m scheduled to return to farangland.

But back to reincarnation . As my body’s biological clock is getting accustomed to the time change, I woke up very early without hope of returning to sleep. I sat up and looked over at the half-smile face of innocence and fell in love again. It has always been a particular pleasure of mine to surreptitiously study a sleeping young man; marvel at the colour and sheen of his skin, its smoothness, its aroma, its flaws and blemishes that make him unique, the individual eye lashes, the way sculpted muscles twitch in his sleep, all the details of how his back transitions through an impossible slim waist to a subtle V leading to that inviting crevice which disappears beneath the black, Boss underwear.

But again I digress. I have decided I want to return as the bed-bolster on the bed of a young Thai guy. I am so envious of the way, while sleeping; he holds and caresses that pillow. The way he wraps his legs around it. The way his hips gently thrust causing his butt to rhythmically dimple. Simply bliss!




Unfortunately the bolster has no awareness of the joys it should be experiencing and that’s the pity. Therefore I should want to return as a fully aware pillow. Anyone have any ideas of how I can insure this? Maybe I should go the to wat and speak with a wise monk. Or, better yet, maybe I can ask the BoyWonder if tonight I can replace the inanimate pillow.

But for now it’s time to indulge another of my passions and gently awaken the handsome sleeper with a few well placed lip caresses to those places previously studied untouched.

It’s so nice to be home.

Three Friends

Three Friends Across the table at TNT Bar, three Sunee guys captured my attention, Which neither nearby friends nor the blast of karaoke could divert. Their stunning youth was illustrated in their handsome faces, trim bodies, Skin that shone with highlights and a sparkle of eye created by the joy of togetherness. They joked and laughed and sang and swayed as one to the music. They were friends but more � so much more. They sat so close as if separation was taboo. Even in wild musical gesticulation, hand and faces and bodies Instinctually sought intimacy with the others. Fingers intertwined, the leg of one hung over the leg of the other, A whisper in the ear meant a cheek to cheek caress and, constantly, Hands explored the hot bodies of his friends. This was not sexual. None of these intimacies were planned or deliberate. There was no thought to the actions. There was no response expected from the other. These were natural movements of obvious endearment. This was gay love as I have never witnessed before. As the party ended, I wanted to weep for my long-passed youth unfulfilled. Weep for a time when feelings between a bed buddy and myself were unexpressed. When such intimacy was secret, feared and ignored. But that was long ago and this was now. Tomorrow, those three gods of the openness of love and close friendship Will still greet me warmly within the walls of Sunee. And I will again be revitalized and renewed.

Bali Hai Sunset Restaurant

A while back  I invited Neung (my satin skinned doll) and his ladyboy lover, Sang to join me at a new restaurant located on the point of land between Bali Hai Pier and the Royal Cliff Hotel near the lighthouse. Neung and Sang are one of the most lovely and friendly couples I've ever met.




The setting on the water is wonderful. We arrived at 5:00pm and the balmy breeze was a welcome relief to the day's heat. The view across the water to Koh Larn and the sound of the wave slapping the rocks was very romantic. The seating area is totally open with large umbrellas and canvas covers. It is simply but effectively decorated to show a muted elegance. I suggest it must be one of the most romantic spots in Pattaya especially as the sun is setting.




The staff was attentive and seemed well trained although one Thai dish was temporarily forgotten. After we ordered, we wandered down the convenient and well built stone stairs to the beach. No sitting around trying to hold a Thai/English conversation while waiting for the food to arrive.

Back at the table over drinks, I presented Neung with a Bt169 fishing rod from Big C. I thought it would be kind of a joke gift but you would have thought I had given him a 2 bhat gold necklace. The hug and kiss was unexpected and lovely. He spent the next 15 minutes carefully putting it together.




The staff balanced the delivery of my farang order and the Thai dishes. My tasty mushroom soup arrived quickly followed by the Tom Yum Goong and rice. My salad had a good selection of greens and a choice of two prepared dressings. The rest of the Thai dishes arrived at the same time as my salmon steak. The salmon was a touch over done but stil delicious and I had to fight for a few scraps after forcing Neung and Sang to try some. The Thai food was a worthy substitute.

Before ice cream we again ventured seaside so Neung could try out his fishing skills. Almost immediately he hooked onto something very large and the excitement almost tumbled him off his rocky perch. However the immovable nature of the catch lead us to realize that he had attached himself to the bottom of the Gulf of Siam.




All in all it was an entertaining and romantic evening even if the sunset was somewhat subdued. The salmon steak 4 course set meal, 3 thai dishes, 3 beers and 2 sprites came to Bt1200 tip included. It's a place I would definitely go to again with the right person(s).

The Accident

This story happened about 15 years ago when I was staying in Pattaya for a year and teaching English about 10kms, east of SriRacha.

The scars of battle are worn proudly by all Thai males as symbols of their machismo, their daring and their bravery. It is rare to see a teenager that doesn't have enduring marks on his body or at least bandages indicating he has successfully completed one of the cultural passages into Thai manhood. Most adult Thais can point to similar long-faded badges on their bodies. Anyone who can display a scar or injury and proudly say "rotmotorsy" is given a sympathetic, knowing smile and the respect due one who has suffered. It was inevitable that I, too, would join that august fraternity.

The day started pretty much as usual. I awoke before the alarm's scheduled buzz at 7:00 a.m. The sweet scented morning breeze lifted the curtains slightly as it passed through the room. It felt cooler than usual which often meant that there would be some rain later in the day. As I stretched beneath the single sheet my foot bumped into something soft and warm and familiar. Rolling over I saw Thep splayed across our queen size bed. How could one person take up so much of the bed? Thinking how happy I was, I brushed his black hair from his forehead, gently kissed his cheek and slid out of bed leaving him with his dreams.

I slipped on my shorts and when out the front door of the apartment and onto the huge communal balcony from which I could look down seven floors to the pool and patio below. There was San doing morning laps before leaving for his accounting job. Ignoring pangs of guilt, I decided not to go for my usual swim as I wanted to leave for work early this morning. Because of the excitement and extra entertainment at the "Crazy Bar" last night I was too tired to finish preparing the materials for “the phrase game” I planned for the engineering group today. I would do that once I got to work.

Back in the apartment I opened the door to the rear, private balcony and let the morning sunshine light up the room. Above the neighboring school yard a smoky haze from the numerous charcoal cookers accompanied the aromas of cooking fish and noodles for the morning meal. I flicked on CNN while making my usual breakfast of a peanut butter and jam sandwich washed down with a cup of instant coffee. I slipped off my shorts and took my dishes into the washroom and placed them with the others dishes stacked beneath the shower. There was no  kitchen but we had discovered that the dishes would eventually come clean if they shared a shower or two, or three, or more with us. I turned on the single tap and waited for the cool water to wake me up completely. The apartment had no hot water. But when you took your shower in the afternoon or evening then the water would often be warm as it was stored in tanks on the roof.

I was able to dress casually as my "teacher's" clothes were in my locker at Siam-Nissan Casting Company. My rain-gear had to be put into my pack along with the teaching materials that I needed for the day. I wiped the visor of my helmet, put Thep's daily allowance of 120 bhat on the table and made ready to leave.

"Good morning". Thep groaned as he rolled over and stretched.

"Good morning puean phom", I replied, "How are you this morning".

"I am fine thank you. How are you?" he said in his stilted but well practiced English. "You go work now?"

"Yes, I am going to work. Phom glap see mung bai." (I will return at 4 o-clock.)

Thep reached out his arms and wiggled his fingers in a gesture for me to come to him. He wrapped his arms around my neck and gave me a good morning good-bye kiss. I looked at him wondering to myself why I was so lucky.

"Sawadee krap." I said as I picked up my pack, keys and helmet and left. I took the elevator to the main floor and walked through the lobby to the parking lot in front of the building where my trusty steed awaited. The powerful, 80 c.c. Yamaha BelleR motorcycle. This, and the ones produced by the other Asian manufacturers, are truly amazing machines. In Thailand they can carry five people or one’s entire household assets. There is a repair shop every two hundred meters anywhere in the country. Repairs are cheap. Replacing an inner tube on the rear tire costs from 60 to 100 bhat or less than $5. These repair shops have everything. I am sure that if you had only a small piece of the right rear-view mirror left of the entire bike and told the repairman, "Here, I think my bike is broken." He would reply that there was no problem, he could fix it. They are great on gas and terrible in the rain.





With my helmet on, sunglasses set and my pack on my back I bounced off down the pot-holed road towards the Sukumwit Highway and towards, - forty minutes later - fifteen engineers eager to improve their English.

Sukumwit Highway runs from the center of Bangkok east and south along the eastern seaboard. Judging by newspaper accounts, it must be the countries number one death road. On paper it's two lanes each way, divided by a median in places and with paved shoulders. Should be no problem. However the Thais have decided that the two lanes are wide enough for three cars to travel abreast at most times. The paved shoulder is perfect for driving a short distance against the traffic instead of crossing to the correct side. Thai drivers have a unwritten law that under no circumstances should any vehicle stop moving especially when coming out of a side street, lane, gas station or parking lot. That is unless you want to park to go into a store, then it is the norm to park anywhere - even the middle of the street or highway. Driving defensively only results in creating problems so new drivers quickly learn to become aggressive maniacs while behind the wheel.

Thank goodness I only need to travel about 8 kilometers before I turned inland onto Highway 31 heading to Rayong. Another 10 klicks and I turned left onto the nicest piece of road on the whole journey.


This is two pave lanes of gentle curves and hills that winds its way through lush forests and green farmlands. It's a Harley-Davidson dream world. Here you can relax, swaying gently through the curves, enjoying the cooling wind that billows your jacket and taking in the exotic tropical smells of the Thai countryside. There are two problems that require attention. First, around any corner you may encounter a water-buffalo strolling along the road. They do not take kindly to motorcycles. Second, about half way along there are two, vehicle-eating potholes whose proximity to each other are strategically placed to test anyone's reflexes. Coming from the west, as I was, the first pothole is between the non-paved shoulder and the middle of your lane making it imperative that you move to the center line to avoid disaster. The second is about 4 meters further on and takes a large bite out of most of the on-coming lane. These are not such great impediments for a vehicle with four wheels but for a Honda Dream traveling at 70 kph, they are to be evaded at all costs.

Like most experienced Thai cyclists, I had memorized every menacing pothole on all my usual routes. Therefore when I came around the sweeping curve before the perilous pits, I was half dreaming of my next days off as the motorcycle automatically drifted to the center line to skirt the initial hole. I even noticed the ubiquitous Toyoto pick-up barreling towards me in his proper lane. Now in Thailand, the rule of the road is, anything bigger has absolute right of way over anything smaller. In fact anything smaller can be considered not there. Therefore on seeing the pothole before him the Toyoto swerved over to take up half of my lane. Instantly I moved to give him room only to realized that I was perfectly lined up on the first chasm and was about to experience the thrill of motor-cross.

Many days later, after reliving the accident many times, I believe that if I had stayed the course and flown straight across the pothole, I probably would have exited unscathed or possibly with only a flat front tire. But in my inexperience, I jammed on both the front and rear brakes without noticing the thin layer of gravel covering the road. Immediately I realized the error of my ways as the bike slid out from under me and my brilliant mind told the rest of my body to tense up and prepare for a bumpy ride.

The human body is an amazing thing. About 20 seconds are gone from my life and what must have been a very painful event never registered. The first thing I noticed was someone moaning in a frantic attempt to restore air to lungs devoid of oxygen. Slowly came the realization that it was me doing the moaning. I heard other sounds of concerned people around me, which made me concentrate on ceasing my moans for fear of embarrassment. I opened my eyes to a small crowd obviously anxious about this farang. With their help, I began to sit up and with as much dignity as I could muster, I said, "Mai mee bhen hah. Phom sabhai." (No problem, I'm okay.") They picked up the Yamaha and I immediately climbed on it still not really sure of what I was doing. As the bike did not have electric ignition, I had to use the kick start but without any success. My eyes were still not focusing. One of the onlookers used his foot and got the motor running. Thanking them all profusely I road off towards work.

I got around the next bend and realized that my eyes were still not focusing and there was something wrong with my helmet so I slowed to a stop at the road's edge.

As I unbuckled and lifted the helmet, pain shot through my head. I touched my right temple and again the pain struck. I looked at the helmet and saw where some of the road was still imbedded and the visor had become detached. From then on any thoughts of riding without wearing a brain-bucket was gone. It was then that I realized that there were other parts of my body that were reporting damage. I was bleeding from scraps to my shoulder, lower arm and leg. My shirt and pants were torn. I looked and felt a mess. But somewhere in my foggy brain I convinced myself to carry on to my waiting engineers.

I started off down the road but soon had little idea of where I was. I recognized no landmarks. Nothing seemed familiar. What road was I on anyways? Proceeding on further I came to an intersection I should have known but I couldn't decide which way to turn. I chose left, still not recognizing anything. "We must be going the wrong way." my half-functioning brain decided and promptly I turned around to retrace the route. Ten minutes later the gray matter reversed this decision and so back the other way I went. This time I was determined to proceed. After ten long minutes my mind began to clear and I gratefully acknowledged that I was heading in the right direction.

Arriving at work, I slipped unnoticed into the locker room and changed into my dress pants, shirt and tie after wrapping my wounds in several metres of toilet paper. This I would regret later that evening. Needless to say neither the engineers nor the students in my other classes received my best lessons that day but at least I got through it without anyone noticing evidence of my accident. Oh, the pride some people have.

Arriving home, Thep was caring and sympathetic though I could tell he was chuckling inside over the fact that I had now become a real road warrior. The next day I did the Thai thing and wore my white, sterile badges proudly and eagerly told and retold the experience many times. Even now, as I am writing this in Toronto, I feel twinges of a Horatio Alger complex. And I miss the excitement of "tooley trucking" along the exotic byways of the Land of Smiles.

First Visit to Thailand - 1989

First time I came on a 14 day Cathay Pacific tour. Three days in Hong Kong then Bangkok.

My initial impressions were the same. Heat, humidity, smelly and sweaty. It's not going to be fun. The tour booked me a single at the Asia Hotel. The room was unbelievably small with a bed smaller than a twin size. Each floor had a matron that sat at a desk beside the elevator. How could you have fun here??

I had read Sparticus travel book and memorized the gay area of Pat Pong. During the day I went to look for the gay bars but, of course everything looks different during the day. At night (8:00pm) I ended up in the girly bar area...nervous and lost. The gay books had warned not to go with a tout but when one asked me if I wanted a boy, desperation won over caution. We walked a long way to a bar and went in. It was too early and there were only a couple of boys there neither of which appealed to me. The tout suggested another bar so I paid the exorbitant bill and off we went.

We came to the top of a soi where the tout turned. I stopped. It was very dark. I asked where? He pointed to a glimmer far down the soi. Everything told me, NO, except my groin which had taken over common sense. We arrived at Lucky 7 and went up the narrow stairs. The room was so dark except for the stage where 9 of the most gorgeous specimens of youth danced in their briefs.

The tout led me to a couch and drinks were ordered. I was mezmerised by the beauty of the boys...one imparticular...number 11. He smiled at me and I smiled back and he immediately jumped off the stage and sat next to me. He took my hand an put it on his thigh and I was in paradise. My breathing was so shallow, I felt a constriction in my chest. This can't be real. Nothing in the world was smoother or softer than his skin. His hands, his sniff kisses, his body movements, his endearments, transported me. I would have sold my soul immediately if the devil had promised this moment would last.

The tout asked if I wanted to off the boy and take him to a room upstairs. Yes! YES! YES! Oh but how much. He talked with the mamasan then said it would be 2000 bhat...everything included, off fee, room, drinks. Not the tip for the boy.

Now I had read not to take more money with you than you planned to spend. I had read the typical cost for a boy and had only brought that. Why was it so expensive? (1989) "Do you take Visa?", I asked meakly.

Oh, the disappointment. We finished the drinks. I reluctantly let go of the boy and gave him a small tip and I went out into the dark soi - shattered...searching for a cold shower.

The next night I was back at Lucky7 at opening with my wallet bulging. When I entered the room, number 11 raced over and embarassed me is a most erotic way. My ego soared to unheard of heights as well as other parts. We took up where we left off the night before. I told the mamasan I wanted the to off the boy and reminded her of the 2000 baht fee. She stared for a moment then said Oh yes...that's right.

Upstairs the room was very dark. We shower together then took to bed and it was glorious. I think I was 5 seconds away from a major heart attack when we both "finished". We cuddled for an additional 20 minutes before showering and returning to the bar.

When we sat down another gorgeous boy sat with us. I became the center of an erotic sandwich. Number 11 introduce is friend and asked if I wanted to off him. Without hesitation, I said Yes and up the stairs we went...money be damned...heart attack be damned...anyway, I had sold my soul the night before.

Too soon it came time to pay the bill. I picked up the cup and the boy grabbed the bill to total it up. He hesitated then showed it to his friend. They both frowned at me. "Paeng mak" He whispered to me what the drinks, the off and the room should cost. When the mamasan came over, I gave her 2000baht. She argued, but I said the bar was ripping me off and the 2000 was more than enough...or maybe the tourist police could mediate. She acquiessed.

I over tipped the boys and said goodbye because the next day the tour took me to Pattaya and surely nothing could compare to Lucky 7.

I was wrong! But nothing will erase every detail of that night in Lucky 7 and my first Thai love, number 11.

Dining With Thais

Senario 1 - One evening I was sitting at the Sunee Plaza Bar (Green Bar) when a young Thai aquaintence joined me for a drink. After about 10 minutes, I asked him if he was hungry thinking we could go and get a bite to eat. "Mai hue," he answered. I ordered another round of drinks. A couple of minutes later he got up and said he would come back then gave me that questioning look of 'Are you going to be here when I return?' I assured him I was not going anywhere soon.

He returned with a styro container of brown crumbly meat, flaked with red and green chillis, a small package of sticky rice and a handful of sprigs from some bushes and grasses. For someone who was not hungry, he ate quite a bit.






Senario 2 - With another Thai friend we were returning from an early movie at Big C and he announced he was hungry. He was able to effect that sorrowful, pained expression while rubbing his stomach. I had to admit I was hungry as well and suggested we go to the White Knight Buffet Restaurant (when it was a buffet). He readily agreed but added he had never been there before. I was thrilled because I love introducing young Thais to something new and I knew the food was excellent.

At the buffet, he went straight to the Thai dishes. I stopped him and strongly suggested he try the spicy ginger squash soup first. He put a small amount in a bowl and returned to the table. His face lit up when he tried it...he loved it...he finished it. I had to explain to him that at the buffet he could get as much as he wanted. I told him to go and get some more soup if he wanted. He returned with a meagur plate of Thai food.

I went and got a big plate of the sliced pork, special vegetables and their delicious salad items. At the table, he had finished his food so I put a slice of pork and other on his plate. He protested a little but began to eat. He said he enjoyed it and ate it all. I told him to go and get some more. "Mai hue," he answered. I went and got my seconds. He said he did not want dessert but I got enough samples for the both of us and he ate his share.
This happened with another boy I took there so I never invited another Thai to an all you can eat buffet.





Senario 3 - It was my last night in Pattaya and Thai friend I have known for 14 years suggest we go to the Lobster Pot on the walking street. Three of us went. The menu is huge and I was taking time to find the dishes I would like. My friend was speaking to the waiter. I asked his friend and him what they would like. He simply pointed to my menu and told me to choose. I selected a lobster platter, 2 other fish dishes and a specialty rice .

When the food started to arrive, I quickly realized there were a lot more dishes than I ordered. Then it dawned on me that my friend had ordered several dishes when talking to the waiter. Even after 14 years, communication can be a problem. Needless to say we ate well but a lot was returned to the kitchen.

One of the challenges is effective communication with Thai boys about eating.

Jame Sees The Ocean�Part 1

This is another report on my adventures with my sponsor child, Jame, and the commune. More than any other, this relationship fills my heart on each visit to Thailand.

JAME

The NGO group has now left Jame�s village as their work has resulted in the commune being self-sufficient with the projects created and a little assistance from the Thai government. Kudos for their efforts.

THE COMMUNE AT HOME

When I arrived in Pattaya last March for my 3 month stay, I was wondering when I should schedule a visit to the village. Songkran was in April and Jame�s birthday was in May. For some reason I was not excited about the hassles of renting a car, organizing the trip and dealing with the police toll blockades. My ever-wise, friend Noi suggested bringing Jame to Pattaya. He told me that Jame had never seen the ocean � in fact none of the commune had ever seen the ocean. I immediately loved the idea with the thought that there would be little to organize. Wrong�but that realization came after the fact.

Quickly Noi was on the phone to the commune with the idea that I would welcome 6 people to Pattaya. Apparently they were over themselves eager to come. I knew there were 4 children in the commune and suggested that 2 adults could accompany them.   Noi asked them when it could be arranged for them to come. �Tomorrow� was the response. They were serious but we negotiated for the following week.

 MY APARTMENT

I was beside myself with excitement. Just imaging; 6 people from a small village visiting the city by the sea for the first time. The opportunities were far too numerous and had to be selected carefully. I reserved a large room for them in my apartment building just down the hall from my room. It is situated on the edge of Sunee therefore any planning included avoiding as much of shocking parts of Pattaya as possible. I drew up a budget which made me realize that this could cost me more than I first thought and more than the usual visit to the village but I was determined to give them a holiday of memories that would last forever.

First there were several items to buy. Extra bedding, mats, pillows, soap, shampoo, stock the refrigerator, extra plates and bowls and on and on. I bought 4 bathing suits for the children hoping I got the sizes and style right. I also invited Noi�s family to join the activities. His son, Neung, is the same age as Jame and they have become very close friends from other visits to the village. Noi arranged a bank transfer to the commune�s bank account so they would have money for the trip to Pattaya.

 

They arrived outside my apartment at 4 in the afternoon. I really have to improve my communication skills. There was Jame and 7 adults from the commune. Eight instead of six. I was disappointed that the other kids didn�t get to come. However I was surprised and happy to see that Jame�s grandmother and her sister made the trip but I wondered how these two mobility-challenged elders would handle the planned adventures. In fact I needn�t have worried as the two seem to revert to their childhood and kept me amused the entire time.

Due to the fact that they lived 30 minutes away, Noi decided that his family would stay in the apartment as well. The room was large but not that large. In the end Noi, his son, Jame, and Amm would stay in my room. Who is Amm you might ask? Soon after the commune arrived the son of one of the commune members arrived accompanied by their son Amm. The man and wife lived and worked in Pattaya but their son stayed at home with the grandparents. Amm was one of the children I had invited.

IN THEIR ROOM

BOYS SLEEPING IN MY ROOM

 

If you�re not keeping track of how the numbers have deviated from the original 6, here�s a tally. Eight from the commune, 5 from Noi�s family (including Tom the Terrible Toddler of Tepprasit), 3 from Amm�s family and myself. Total�17. Budget shot!

The commune was exhausted from the eight hour trip from Chum Phae in the back of a neighbour�s pick-up. Noi�s wife went to the local market for Issan food while I introduced them to the unlimited choices of cable TV, the air conditioner, the kitchen appliances, a farang toilet and the hot water shower. Immediately the shower was running continuously for the next hour. I gave out some small gifts I had including the bathing suits for the children. Because the young girl had not come, I jokingly handed Jame the bathing suit meant for her. Rather than rejecting it, he broke into a huge, mischievous grin I have come to love and he began to pull on the suit. All of the built up nervousness and stress of this new and overwhelming situation was shattered in gales of laughter. Young Jame brought us together again.

 

Then Gun arrived with a ton of food and that, with the variety of refreshments I had stocked the refrigerator, provided the incredients for a great party punctuated with happy conversation. Quickly I knew the budget would be relegated to insignificance.

Bedtime came early as would morning rising because they had not yet seen the ocean.

MORE TO COME IN PART 2

Jame Sees the Ocean Part 2

Jame Sees The Ocean   Part 2 An excited bunch of boys woke me up at 6:00am the next morning. The commune�s apartment had been awake since 5. I accompanied two of the ladies a few blocks to the market where they bought food for the morning meal. They were almost overwhelmed with the variety of food on sale. Quickly it became apparent that the readily available seafood was going to be a staple for the next few days. Breakfast came to less than 500 baht. One of the boys tried my cooked oatmeal with brown sugar and cinnamon and liked it. Once the rooms were cleaned and showers finished all thought turned to the day�s trip to Jomtien and the ocean. Noi commandeered a songtaow for the 10 minute trip to the beach. We didn�t go to Dongtan Beach rather further down to the Thai areas. The tide was going out so the beach was huge. Big smiles and widened eyes dominated the adult�s facial expressions but all we saw of the kids was their backsides rushing across the sand to the water.   I had forewarned the strolling vender who sold fresh cooked shrimp, prawns and oysters that our group would be interested in his seafood. Several platters were spread out on the tables. Noi distributed 100 baht to each person so they could purchase other items from the venders.   A banana boat ride was a must even though it was scary at first. We were there until nearly sundown and no one seemed eager to leave.   The next day we decided to take the ferry to Koh Larn. The night before, to spare my budget, I mentioned to Noi that we should take as much food and drink with us as it is quite expensive there. I packed my lunch in my bag but the instructions did not make it to the commune. Certainly Noi made sure the whisky and soda were there but little else. Discovering this failure of communication, I realized I had not brought enough money with me. I gave what money I had to Noi and left it for him to plan a strategy. The beauty of the place, the beach and the water made any problem seen small. Sea life mesmerized everyone but especially the boys.  A whole new world to be discovered.   One of the most rewarding moments for me was when grandmother and sister rose from their loungers, held hands and, fully clothed, walked slowly into the sea where they remain for almost 2 hours.   Clever Noi quietly came up with a wonderful solution to the money problem. He found a small store, bought some fishing line, barbequed meat and hooks and, using short bamboo shoots, rigged up 6 crude fishing lines. He led a contingent into the sea near some rocks and showed the boys how to jig their lines. Excitement echoed across the water and the first of many small fish were caught within a minute.  After an hour there were enough fish in the plastic bag to feed the multitude. Using a couple of knifes I had in my backpack the ladies prepared the fish while the grandmothers scowered the shore line for savoury leaves to stuff in the fish. A fire was built among some rocks and the fish were cooked on sticks. Sticky rice and some sauce was all that we needed to complete the meal Again the resourcefulness of the Thai people amazed me. The �feast� was delicious.   It was a very contented group that rode the ferry home.   That night the boys experienced another first. At a nearby restaurant, I showed the boys how to play pool. The men had snuck out with Noi to a beer bar and the ladies were engrossed in the Thai soap operas on TV. I never thought about it at the time but no one seem to bat an eye at this old farang out in Pattaya with 3 young boys.   Other days found us at Pattaya Park and Nakula WongAmart Beach. One evening some of us went bowling and on another we went to Big C central to attend a Thai movie�all things not available in their village.  Riding up and down the escalators seemed better than any amusement park ride. The Friday Market on Soi Buakow was a big hit. Again Noi dole out my money to each person to buy a few things for themselves.   All the time Jame accepted his role as entertainer. His mind works in marvellously creative ways. I am so grateful to be able to be part of his development.   On the fifth day a mix up in transportation back to Chum Phae cause a one day extension which didn�t bother anyone much. Just more time to spend in the ocean. It�s hard to say who got the most out of this adventure but I know my heart swells every time I think of it. I can�t wait for the next time I will get to enjoy the company of Jame and the commune.